words i use to help a friend....things i have learned and now am using in real life!!

so hello friends!! i hope all of you are doing well....wow i am talking to no one and yet everyone. you all can now say i am loosing it. ok ok ok so on to what i have to say. i have so really great friends. i mean other than my HUGE family i have been blessed this some truly wonderful people in my life. over the last 10 years i have had the same best friend. but of close to the last four or five i have added another. we were talking the other day, about the struggles that we have both been going through. depression, unloveable, bitterness, and just down right lostness. well as many of you know i wasted a whole year of my life in 2006. but 2007 and now the start of 2008 i have really learned to grow. i have learned to help. i have learned to be open. so in this i have tried to give words of wisdom to this wonderful friend. so i want to tell you all some of the subjects i have learned about....

FORGIVENESS....wow is that a hard thing to come to grips with. i mean really when you are hurt the thing you want to do most is hate. and hold that anger in. ok so what many of you dont know about is that when i was really young i was taken advantage of. so for the next 12 years i become more and more angry. for 12 years i held onto this hate, this anger that at anytime could over flow for all to see. but now after five years of being open with what happened i am free!! i found that the only thing that not forgiving brings is bitterness. i went to counseling but that did not help me let go of my bitterness. you want to know why...well it is sooo much easier to hold and keep it as my own like box of hate. but i can tell you that after you let go...wow i cant even tell you what that is like. is it hard to let go..yes, is it something you WANT to do...no, but the freedom you gain for it is total and complete. for 12 years my family knew me as a very angry lil kid. but now i am the happy-go-lucky kid. i just learned to live it all out. that is one of the greatest things i hope to teach people this summer when i am home. one thing that has helped me is learning to breath. just take a deep breath....think of the cross. and what He did there for you. i know i know people say to call out to the promise you have in that but really how many of us truly take the time to stop and do that. i know i dont do that as much as i should. but really just take like two or three minutes and just breath. it totally helps you see what is wrong and you feel a lil better about what is going on.

TRUST...wow now i dont know which is harder to learn to do. but i know that trust is something i know all about. try having to carry a burden when you are like 6, a burden that most adults dont even know how to handle. having your childhood ripped from you is a hard thing when you have all this "stuff" inside that you dont even know what to do with. over the last three weeks or so i have grown soo much. its all about taking risks. taking that step with your eyes closed, opening up you soul, standing on the edge of the cliff and jumping. knowing that it is NOW and knowing God will help you to fly. it take small steps to learn to trust. we all have had our trust broken at one time or another. and it takes time to heal that wound. but it would never heal if you keep your self guarded and closed off. to learn what true trust is take the risk and willingness to fail/hurt. one of the sayings i came up with is this...LOVE IS BETTER OPEN AND HONEST THEN GUARDED AND UNRISKED. i mean how many times have you held back because you were afraid to get hurt. i know i have. but the greatest love and trust i have in my life is in the relationship i to the most risks and was open the most. in that relationship i have been hurt yes but the joy far over takes the hurt.

so that is what i have learned. i hope it encourages you all. i really look forward to teaching at least one person how to live all out. i mean after seeing death soooooooo close to my heart i have learned to live out. so all that i know in washington be ready for a truly wonderful summer, cause the crazy greekkid is coming home!!!