im back peeps.

Days will go by

Time will never stop

Yet, we hold out that it will

Each breath it gets harder to hold back

The steps forward from here are so hard

But one

And then two

With the third step I fall

On the ground, I see who I am,

What I have become.

Standing again I can only see myself falling

But one

And then two

And the third step is now the fourth

I turn to look back

But nothing is there

Just black, not color…wait

My heart it’s beating so fast

But I hold on to each thought of you I have left

What if? They mark the road

But why? They are my only lights

Not lights but grey matter leading me on

To what I can see only hope

And there it is once again…Hope

How I have loved you, Hope!

Through this time Hope is all I have

I have reached the top

Will wait

Holding out on the one thing I have

Oh Hope, you have me

How long will I wait….

Days go by

Time will never stop

Yet I hold on, push on, breath on.

The Forgotten Book of Titus…Part One

I want to go through the whole book of Titus, and go through each verse and take a look at how Paul wanted the church to be set up. In this first post, I will go through just the first chapter. There will be a totally of three post one for each chapter. Far too often the American church is focused on how things look and how well the worship team sounds. But what we should be focused on is the people that are hurting in our churches. So let us dive right in and dig into the words that Paul spoke so many years ago.

Titus 1:1-4 Paul, a bondservant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ, according to the faith of God’s elect and the acknowledgement of the truth which accords with godliness, in hope of eternal life which God, who cannot lie, promised before time began, but has in due time manifested His word through preaching, which was committed to me according to the commandment of God our Savior; To Titus, a true son in our common faith: Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ our Savior.

Paul encourages Titus in who he is in Christ.

Titus 1:5 – For this reason I have left you in Crete, that you should set in order the things that are lacking, and appoint elders in every city as I have commanded you—

We see that Paul trusts Titus and it seems as if they have talked about what is lacking in the church there. It seems like Titus might have sent a letter with what the church looked like or what he was seeing, and Paul writes back to give him a foundation on which to build the church of Crete.

Titus 1:6-9 –if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination. For a bishop must be blameless, as a steward of God, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but hospitable, a lover of what is good, sober-minded, just holy, self-controlled, holding fast to the faithful word as he has been taught, that he may be able, by sound doctrine, both to exhort and convict those who contradict.

There is a lot in just three verses. With these three verses, Paul sets the foundation for which we should be choosing to our leaders in the church. I’m not saying that if you don’t meet this “checklist” down to every last one you cant be a leader, but I am saying if you want to be a leader you must be striving for each and every one of theses. The standard needs to be set this high. How could you lead someone if you are falling into these self-centered sins? When Paul says, “bishop” he means an overseer, a leader. That person could be anyone from a senior pastor to a small group leader to a Jr. High small group leader. I understand that these three verses are talking right to men but it is not gender binding. Because of the cultural differences between now and then women were not seen as leaders in the church.

Titus 1:10-16 For there are many insubordinate, both idle talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, whose mouths must be stopped, who subvert whole households, teaching things which they ought not, for the sake of dishonest gain. One of them, a prophet of their own, said, “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.” This testimony is true. Therefore, rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in faith, not giving heed to the Jewish fables and commandments of men who turn from the truth. To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are defiled, and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their minds and conscience are defiled. They profess to know God, but in works, they deny Him, being abominable, disobedient, and disqualified for every good work.

Although these six verses are talking about the Cretans, there is a lot we can glean from them. For we have many that are preaching for there own gain. Look at those who preach the “prosperity gospel”. Paul calls these/all false prophets to be REBUKED sharply. I think too often we just let people get away with whatever cause we don’t want to make waves. God calls us to live in righousness and to live a life pure of this world. Are we professing to know God, but living in sin? Yes we all sin, but if you are choosing to LIVE in sin than you are you not of God and He will spit you out. Revelations 3:15-16 speaks right too this. So how do you and I need to change the way we live? Do you see people that need to be rebuked for the way they are speaking out? Are you going to ask God to give you the courage and the strength to confront them? What do you think of the first chapter of Titus?

A Trip though Godly Relationships

I am writing to you, whom love the Lord Christ. God has broken my heart with the way; we are going about our relationships in the “church”. Christ set the example for us so clearly, yet we often fall into our own selfishness. I write knowing that my track record in this area is not great, shoot its not even good, much less how Christ has called us to live. As most of you know I have had many failed relationships, and even a failed engagement. I cry out to Christ to save me from my sinfulness. I am evil to the core, my flesh cries out for the sexual touch of a woman, but only with Christ’s love and grace have I over come my flesh. I fight my own selfishness at every turn. While writing an outline for a talk that i am having tonight with a friend’s parents, God has given me an outline of what He wants out of His children, of how we should be acting as “Christians’’ in our relationships, and how to show honor to the only “person” we should be showing honor to…Christ!

1. Our relationships must be God centered.

2. The deepness of your relationship will determine how far/well your relationship.

3. A Christ loving woman must be willing to be pursued, but a Christ loving man must be willing to put in the time pursuing a woman in a Godly manner.

4. Men must show integrity, honor, and a genuine out-going concern for the well being of others.

5. Men also must take the spiritual lead in a relationship, because if you don’t start when you are dating it will be harder to start when you get married.

6. The end of any dating relationship should be marriage.

Often time we just date to date. But why are we wasting our time with dating if its not centered on God? Why do I feel like I am not complete if I am not dating someone? Why do I think I can only be who I am if I have someone? I’m sure that I am not the only one that has these thoughts or feelings. The only answers that I can come up with are that we are too lazy to have a fully committed relationship with Christ. Too often when choosing who to date we make these choices with out the wisdom or insight of our parents or the church. We think we are “old” enough, smart enough understand God enough, and we don’t want our parents to “intrude” into our lives, or just think we have it all figured out. But by relying on ourselves, we are just building a wall around our relationship. We are building our relationship on sand. We don’t take the time to seek out wisdom!! I want to go over why we should go to these people and why it is unwise and against what Christ has said to not go and seek wisdom.

The Base of Your Relationship

It’s about BEING the right person, not FINDING the right person. By looking for the “right” person, we think we are the right person. God calls us to first look at ourselves. Dig deep into who you are. Are you who Christ has called you? If you are seeking Christ when it comes to who He wants you to be He will bring that wonderful person into your life. It’s when we start to look outward that we begin to become prideful, and pride always lead to a fall.

What we MUST do is yoke ourselves to an older believer. For Christ call us to disciple one another. Paul lays out the foundation for how we should act as a church body in Titus.

Titus 2:1-8 You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. 2Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. 3Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. 6Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching, show integrity, seriousness 8and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

By yoking yourself to someone, you should be deepening your relationship with Christ, and with those around you. You MUST be open and honest with this person, or you are just wasting your time and your words. You should be challenged to grow and learn.

How You Confirm Your Godly Relationship

Parents

Your parents must be involved. Don’t try to make such a big move without them. Go to them and have them share wisdom with you, let it guide you. God has given your parents the authority over you.

Ephesians 6:1-3 1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

Even if you have parents that do not have a personal relationship with Christ, you must honor them. Christ said to obey your parents. He did not say to only obey them if they are followers of Christ. God imparts wisdom to all parents. Let's say that you have come to an impasse with your parents then you must seek wise council in the body of Christ.

The Church

The church to some extent should be involved in your relationship. Too often, we think we know what is best for us. Why do you think that God has called us to gather as one body? To help one another, to support one another, and so that we have people that hold each of us to the highest of standards. God has planted these people in a place of “power” for a reason.

Hebrews 13:7 Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.

Hebrews 13:17 Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.

Corinthians 6:1-6 If any of you has a dispute with another, dare he take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the saints? 2Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? 3Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life! 4Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, appoint as judges even men of little account in the church!^[] 5I say this to shame you. Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers? 6But instead, one brother goes to law against another—and this in front of unbelievers!

If you go and seek wise council, you must go with a pure heart. You must go asking God to change your heart, not your parents. Go seeking with an open mind. The reason you should be going is to seek wisdom, not to strengthen your point. You still must submit to and honor your parents! Seek, my friends, wisdom! Cry out to the Father above us and ask him to pour out His blessings on you. WE must humble ourselves before Him for His glory is too much for us to handle. His grace covers all. Let your heart to be broken. Only when you have been broken will your heart be at a place where you can be used, a place where you can hear the small faint whispers of God.

I say these things knowing I am all sin. I don’t have it all down. I want what Christ has for us all. Let me leave you with this passage from James

James 4:6b-10

“God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”

Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw

near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

Four years have gone by....

Lt. Noah Harris

a Hero among men

The day began as any day does in Iraq, it was hot and dry. half the platoon had to go to FOB Warhorse, it seemed like any Friday. But little did we know this day would stand alone much like the 14th of Feb, just a little more personal. Now the Plt. was split up into a "A" section and a "B" section, and sense B had just gone to Warhorse they also went on the night patrol. Things that night were a little different, Lt Harris never really went out with B section, and we had not prayed before we left. But away we went off into the night with nothing on our minds but having to go out on "Friday Night Fight Night". and with Lt. Harris' cry, "Bring em out, bring em out", we left the FOB and went to find the terrorists that were working in Buhriz.....a little more than two and a half hours later. Lt. Noah Harris and Clp. William Long had been killed.

Its been four years sense that day, and i struggle with it still. nothing is harder to live with than knowing that some of the greatest Americans are no longer here with us. But i live everyday for them. not a single day goes by that i don't think back to that fateful night. the pain comes back, but the fear of the unknown is always here with me. at the same time i have to press on, if not for myself than for them. God has given me the strength to get through every nightmare i have, all the sleepless nights i lay awake thinking of them, and the pain that i carry with me from one day to the next. June 17th 2005 will always be a day that i hate, a day i wish never happened, a day i hope does not come, and a day i lived through. and so every year at this time i will honor my fallen brothers.

if you have questions let me know. i would rather you ask, and be left to wonder.

WHY IS THE FAT CATCHER TRYING TO STEAL SECOND BASE

So this weekend my family had a "family meeting''. we try to have these every so often to just see where everyone is, sometimes there are things we need to talk about but sometime we just talk about life. But during this meeting my brother...the really smart one for those of you who know my family...told us the following tale....

With his team down by one run in the ninth inning, a fat catcher get a bloop single. knowing that he has to get to second for even a chance to score on a hit to the outfield, he thinks the best thing would be to steal second base. although he team knows he could never steal second base. but the catcher does not listen to the wisdom of his team and tries anyway, getting thrown out trying to steal second base. his teammates are disappointed that he made the choice to try and steal, but they support him knowing that he was trying to help the team.

now this tale was meant for a sibling of ours. but i have been thinking about it for two days and have come to see that often time we are all the catcher. we make choices that are base on what we FEEL, going against the wisdom of those around us. the body of Christ is to support each other even when we make choices that are not made with wisdom. but some time we turn our back on those that make these choices. because it is easier to see when someone ELSE make mistakes, than to see when we fall down. we need to understand that we all are lost, broken, and sinners. yeah we can say that we understand that but do we really act like we have been saved from ourselves? do we act with compassion toward those who are not walking in wisdom? oh but if you are walking without wisdom, but dont listen to those who love you, you are at your own peril. you must be willing to have people in your life that are going to tell you the truth always, people that are not going to pull punches. be willing to have people tell you that you are totally messing up and you need to get your act in line! there is nothing better than having people in your life that always tell you the truth. i just want to thank sally for always letting me know what is up!

just some of my thoughts the last couple of days. let me know what you think.

Marriage

so today i read a blog post by my totally BA mom who is in africa, but still finds time to write great blog posts. it was about how many people of my gen are scared to get married at a young age. and it got me thinking. what does it take to get in the mind set that getting married at a young age is fun, good, or awesome. as most of you know i was engaged, but it did not work out. i get asked all the time if i am alright. i have to say yes, because i know that what happened happened for a reason. was it fun to go through something like that, hell no. it hurt a lot. but you know what i found out, i am stronger because of it. i am even more in love with God, and i know that i can do all things through Him.

so back to the whole getting married young thing. i have always wanted to get married at a young age. after seeing my parents grow into who they are and seeing how my totally kickface family has come about. it makes me want that. i look at it like this, why live through life with out that person who is going to be there for you? young people today want to "have fun" when they are young. but really why not have another person to share that fun with? someone that you can go to when you are hurting? someone that you can laugh with at 2am cause you are young and have to go to work in three hours, but you just spent the night talking about all the thing you are going to do as a couple? who does not want that? and if you dont i would have to wonder why not! when God made Adam He knew that the only way to complete Adam was to make sure that he had a partner in this world.

i truly think we are all made to have that person that we are to become one with. do i think that there is only "the one". no cause then not only would i screw it up, but who knows what she would do in life that would make it so that we never met. im just saying that there are 6 BILLION people out there so there has to be more than one person that would make a great partner.

i had one of the best time with God the other day. wow totally great time! so i was reading "Crazy Love" and it was talking about living by faith and it refered to Heb. chp 11. so i go and read it. and my mind is blown away. 20 times it say "....By faith..." it goes through and recounts the many people that just lived by faith. i read it twice. and what i came way with was how many times do we try to figure out life on our own. but seem to mess it up, or we thing we have it all figured out but then things just go totally crazy! why cause we are not living by faith. that is why i think my gen does not want to get married when they are young...cause when you are young you dont have it all figured out, you have to live by faith! but i have parents that have had to live by faith and i have seen the faithfulness that God is true to those who are true to Him. i really believe that is one of the reasons that my brothers and sisters are ready to get married. we understand that when you live by faith God will guide your steps to His path. so yeah just some of my thoughts at 4:10 am!! let me know what you all think!

WANTING TO BE THE NEW PATRIOT FOR THIS COUNTRY

so i was listening to Glenn Beck today and he got me thinking about how to help people without giving them a "handout". instead of the government spending more money on programs to help people be alright with being poor. we should make it UNCOMFORTABLE. im not saying that we should not help people out. but i am saying that we need to make is so uncomfortable that they want to help themselves out of it. we have made it too easy to be poor and have a whole generation of people thinking that someone is going to do all the leg work for them. we need to stop giving handouts to those who are not actively trying to get out of the mire. right now i am broke and have no job. but i will never ask for a handout, i would rather shovel crap 12 hours a day making 5 bucks an hour, than want someone to give me money for doing nothing.


if we make it easy to work and hard to get a hand out this country would become great once more! during the potato famines people came to this country not because they were going to get a hand out, but because they knew they could find work and if they worked hard one day they could have what they wanted.

i think back to when i was drinking everynight. i would end up on the floor throwing up and feeling like crap. but you know what, i came to a place where i was soo sick of being sick. i knew i had to change things. i was uncomfortable with where i was. but I had to do something to get myself out of that life. that is what i think needs to be done, make people sooo sick of being poor, that they want more but instead of giving them a handout we give them a job.

tell me what you think.