words i use to help a friend....things i have learned and now am using in real life!!

so hello friends!! i hope all of you are doing well....wow i am talking to no one and yet everyone. you all can now say i am loosing it. ok ok ok so on to what i have to say. i have so really great friends. i mean other than my HUGE family i have been blessed this some truly wonderful people in my life. over the last 10 years i have had the same best friend. but of close to the last four or five i have added another. we were talking the other day, about the struggles that we have both been going through. depression, unloveable, bitterness, and just down right lostness. well as many of you know i wasted a whole year of my life in 2006. but 2007 and now the start of 2008 i have really learned to grow. i have learned to help. i have learned to be open. so in this i have tried to give words of wisdom to this wonderful friend. so i want to tell you all some of the subjects i have learned about....

FORGIVENESS....wow is that a hard thing to come to grips with. i mean really when you are hurt the thing you want to do most is hate. and hold that anger in. ok so what many of you dont know about is that when i was really young i was taken advantage of. so for the next 12 years i become more and more angry. for 12 years i held onto this hate, this anger that at anytime could over flow for all to see. but now after five years of being open with what happened i am free!! i found that the only thing that not forgiving brings is bitterness. i went to counseling but that did not help me let go of my bitterness. you want to know why...well it is sooo much easier to hold and keep it as my own like box of hate. but i can tell you that after you let go...wow i cant even tell you what that is like. is it hard to let go..yes, is it something you WANT to do...no, but the freedom you gain for it is total and complete. for 12 years my family knew me as a very angry lil kid. but now i am the happy-go-lucky kid. i just learned to live it all out. that is one of the greatest things i hope to teach people this summer when i am home. one thing that has helped me is learning to breath. just take a deep breath....think of the cross. and what He did there for you. i know i know people say to call out to the promise you have in that but really how many of us truly take the time to stop and do that. i know i dont do that as much as i should. but really just take like two or three minutes and just breath. it totally helps you see what is wrong and you feel a lil better about what is going on.

TRUST...wow now i dont know which is harder to learn to do. but i know that trust is something i know all about. try having to carry a burden when you are like 6, a burden that most adults dont even know how to handle. having your childhood ripped from you is a hard thing when you have all this "stuff" inside that you dont even know what to do with. over the last three weeks or so i have grown soo much. its all about taking risks. taking that step with your eyes closed, opening up you soul, standing on the edge of the cliff and jumping. knowing that it is NOW and knowing God will help you to fly. it take small steps to learn to trust. we all have had our trust broken at one time or another. and it takes time to heal that wound. but it would never heal if you keep your self guarded and closed off. to learn what true trust is take the risk and willingness to fail/hurt. one of the sayings i came up with is this...LOVE IS BETTER OPEN AND HONEST THEN GUARDED AND UNRISKED. i mean how many times have you held back because you were afraid to get hurt. i know i have. but the greatest love and trust i have in my life is in the relationship i to the most risks and was open the most. in that relationship i have been hurt yes but the joy far over takes the hurt.

so that is what i have learned. i hope it encourages you all. i really look forward to teaching at least one person how to live all out. i mean after seeing death soooooooo close to my heart i have learned to live out. so all that i know in washington be ready for a truly wonderful summer, cause the crazy greekkid is coming home!!!

tattoos....

well i was reading a good friends blog about tattoos and thought to myself...hmmm i love them, but are they right or wrong? i thought that though my parents are not really that fond of them, they have every right to what they think. i just think that each tells a story of who i am, where i am gone, and what i have done. i mean can tattoos be bad, yes. but i think that it about the heart of the person getting one. i know, i know, God says each body is a temple. but really have you read about the temple they built back in then? i mean that temple would totally blow anything built today away. it took seven years to build, it was carefully planed, each piece was placed with care, it was lavish, it was totally over the top (not in a bad way), but you know what, it was built for the right reasons. i dont just get tattoos to be cool. i mean they are cool, but they are meaningful to me. they tell a story. so here are my tattoo stories....

so this tattoo is one i just got last month. as you can see it is of a greek warrior. i had been wanting to get a greek tattoo for awhile now. and after seeing 300, i really wanted something like that. i am in the US Army, and have always felt that i was born to fight, born to be a warrior. as you can see in the picture he is battle wear, and that is just

like me. not so much on the outside, but more emotional battle scars.the next one i got on july 1st 2006. most of you know that 06 was a really really hard year for me. so i went looking for something that was different. something that people would see and would be like wow that is cool. and well i have this thing with people saying that i am soo young, oh im just a kid. so i got this tribel faded. saying that i am may be young when it comes to how many years old i am, but i am well versed  in life and am weathered. i like it a lot cause it is really shows who i am. in that it is not like others and i am ok with being who i am. 

the next one is one i got in sept of 05. i was on leave and it had been a little over three months sense my team leader and Lt. had been killed in iraq. they were killed on 17 june 05. sfc salie died on 14 feb 05. i have sense added two names ssg brown and pfc simmons. they were killed easter of 07. its just my way of paying tribute to the couple of men i know that gave their lives for this country. 

the next which i cant seem to get in the right spot is an M-16, helmet, and a pair of boots. this is what we do when we say our last good-byes. i got this for all of my infantry that have died for this country in our many times going to war. i got is right out of basic training in 2004. i also have the word "Better" down my right for arm and "Days" down my left. i also got this one right our of basic training. i got it cause i knew that  the day ahead would be hard and i wanted something that would keep me smiling. just a way to say hey its alright cause there will be better days ahead.

well i hope you all understand where i am coming for with all of this. i would love to hear what you all have to say. 

wow my parents are nuts...

ok so as most of you know my parents are going to be going to Africa. but they have no idea what that means. i mean i am sure they have heard from friends, but still just the same. they need someone like the guy in the picture. a grizzled old war vet, knows what it take to live and survive in a crazy wold that is not anything close the sweet town that is Lynden. i mean really i know they have been praying and have a ton of people praying about. i think they should wait for someone to get home.....now i dont know who that someone is but i have an idea. i mean i love you dad and mom but you too have no experience with "real" third world countries. and everyone can use a bodyguard. or at least someone who knows a little about protection. not to say that God cant do a good job cause i know all about His protection. it just seems like He has given you a son for just a reason. but hey i know God is our protector. does not mean i cant worry...hey they worry about me i think that it is only fair that i get to.

God does wonders....

so i am free and clear. i got in a little trouble but nothing like i though. i got "smoked" which is pretty much like doing a million push up, sit ups, running with a sand bag, you know things that us suck, but its alright. the whole other issue is not going to be followed up. i guess that guy had a change of heart and did not want to follow up with he had said. i think what happened was everyone saw that is was just something that was made up so try and take me down. but after a week or so of prayer and really crying out to God. He did what He has always done and helps those who cry out to Him. so yeah for all of you that were wondering...ie mom! love ya all. thanks for all the prayer you all do on my behalf. 

snow?

yes that is what it did the other day...here in baghdad, iraq! i was saying the other day that is would be great to see some snow. but i had little thoughts that it really would. but i woke up to the freezing cold, the heater had gone out and i was a lil mad. but a buddy came running in my room to tell me that is was snowing!! so to say the least it was the best day i have ever had in iraq by far. soo great! it snowed for most of the morning. nothing was sticking but still it was totally great to see snow and get to stand in it. well i hope you all are doing well. i will be righting more really soon.

so where ever do i start. my lil sis cassie has had one forever so i though to myself, "hmmm you should start one." so here it is my first blog. woooo woooo for me. so here i am in baghdad, iraq. this is my second tour to iraq, and by the time i get out of here i will have spent 27 months out of the last four years here!! i have done, seen, heard, and learned a lot while being here. i have lost five friends over here. which has taken its toll on me over the last two, almost three years. but i know i will get through it with the help and grace of God. over the last ten months i have learned soo much about myself and who i am. what most of you don't know is that the year of 2006 was well a crap shoot for me. i mean i cant even tell you what happened the month of jan because i drank soo much. and that was really what my life was all year. that and the woman. i just feel soo ashamed for the way i acted. and when i think about it i always come back to what my dad us to tell me all the time when i was a kid...."is what you are doing honoring our last name?" and i can say that i did about the poorest job a son could do over the whole year. the thing is i know right from wrong. i know how i should be living yet i failed. i would not do anything different, because i am who i am now. and i cant take it back. i have to just use all that i have learned and use it for the better. 

so most know me as the happy-go-lucky guy. but what you don't know is that i have had to deal with a lot of depression over the last year or two. living in Ga has been one of the hardest things i have ever done. i love my family and it is really hard being away from them. ok well that is my first blog...i know i know it is random but hey its me. check back for more in the crazy wild life of me!