TIME FOR A NEW START

2010-01-27T18:28:00.000-08:00

im back peeps.

Days will go by

Time will never stop

Yet, we hold out that it will

Each breath it gets harder to hold back

The steps forward from here are so hard

But one

And then two

With the third step I fall

On the ground, I see who I am,

What I have become.

Standing again I can only see myself falling

But one

And then two

And the third step is now the fourth

I turn to look back

But nothing is there

Just black, not color…wait

My heart it’s beating so fast

But I hold on to each thought of you I have left

What if? They mark the road

But why? They are my only lights

Not lights but grey matter leading me on

To what I can see only hope

And there it is once again…Hope

How I have loved you, Hope!

Through this time Hope is all I have

I have reached the top

Will wait

Holding out on the one thing I have

Oh Hope, you have me

How long will I wait….

Days go by

Time will never stop

Yet I hold on, push on, breath on.

The Forgotten Book of Titus…Part One

2009-07-20T15:23:00.005-07:00

I want to go through the whole book of Titus, and go through each verse and take a look at how Paul wanted the church to be set up. In this first post, I will go through just the first chapter. There will be a totally of three post one for each chapter. Far too often the American church is focused on how things look and how well the worship team sounds. But what we should be focused on is the people that are hurting in our churches. So let us dive right in and dig into the words that Paul spoke so many years ago.

Titus 1:1-4 Paul, a bondservant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ, according to the faith of God’s elect and the acknowledgement of the truth which accords with godliness, in hope of eternal life which God, who cannot lie, promised before time began, but has in due time manifested His word through preaching, which was committed to me according to the commandment of God our Savior; To Titus, a true son in our common faith: Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ our Savior.

Paul encourages Titus in who he is in Christ.

Titus 1:5 – For this reason I have left you in Crete, that you should set in order the things that are lacking, and appoint elders in every city as I have commanded you—

We see that Paul trusts Titus and it seems as if they have talked about what is lacking in the church there. It seems like Titus might have sent a letter with what the church looked like or what he was seeing, and Paul writes back to give him a foundation on which to build the church of Crete.

Titus 1:6-9 –if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination. For a bishop must be blameless, as a steward of God, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but hospitable, a lover of what is good, sober-minded, just holy, self-controlled, holding fast to the faithful word as he has been taught, that he may be able, by sound doctrine, both to exhort and convict those who contradict.

There is a lot in just three verses. With these three verses, Paul sets the foundation for which we should be choosing to our leaders in the church. I’m not saying that if you don’t meet this “checklist” down to every last one you cant be a leader, but I am saying if you want to be a leader you must be striving for each and every one of theses. The standard needs to be set this high. How could you lead someone if you are falling into these self-centered sins? When Paul says, “bishop” he means an overseer, a leader. That person could be anyone from a senior pastor to a small group leader to a Jr. High small group leader. I understand that these three verses are talking right to men but it is not gender binding. Because of the cultural differences between now and then women were not seen as leaders in the church.

Titus 1:10-16 For there are many insubordinate, both idle talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, whose mouths must be stopped, who subvert whole households, teaching things which they ought not, for the sake of dishonest gain. One of them, a prophet of their own, said, “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.” This testimony is true. Therefore, rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in faith, not giving heed to the Jewish fables and commandments of men who turn from the truth. To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are defiled, and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their minds and conscience are defiled. They profess to know God, but in works, they deny Him, being abominable, disobedient, and disqualified for every good work.

Although these six verses are talking about the Cretans, there is a lot we can glean from them. For we have many that are preaching for there own gain. Look at those who preach the “prosperity gospel”. Paul calls these/all false prophets to be REBUKED sharply. I think too often we just let people get away with whatever cause we don’t want to make waves. God calls us to live in righousness and to live a life pure of this world. Are we professing to know God, but living in sin? Yes we all sin, but if you are choosing to LIVE in sin than you are you not of God and He will spit you out. Revelations 3:15-16 speaks right too this. So how do you and I need to change the way we live? Do you see people that need to be rebuked for the way they are speaking out? Are you going to ask God to give you the courage and the strength to confront them? What do you think of the first chapter of Titus?

A Trip though Godly Relationships

2009-07-16T00:51:00.004-07:00

I am writing to you, whom love the Lord Christ. God has broken my heart with the way; we are going about our relationships in the “church”. Christ set the example for us so clearly, yet we often fall into our own selfishness. I write knowing that my track record in this area is not great, shoot its not even good, much less how Christ has called us to live. As most of you know I have had many failed relationships, and even a failed engagement. I cry out to Christ to save me from my sinfulness. I am evil to the core, my flesh cries out for the sexual touch of a woman, but only with Christ’s love and grace have I over come my flesh. I fight my own selfishness at every turn. While writing an outline for a talk that i am having tonight with a friend’s parents, God has given me an outline of what He wants out of His children, of how we should be acting as “Christians’’ in our relationships, and how to show honor to the only “person” we should be showing honor to…Christ!

Our relationships must be God centered.

The deepness of your relationship will determine how far/well your relationship.

A Christ loving woman must be willing to be pursued, but a Christ loving man must be willing to put in the time pursuing a woman in a Godly manner.

Men must show integrity, honor, and a genuine out-going concern for the well being of others.

Men also must take the spiritual lead in a relationship, because if you don’t start when you are dating it will be harder to start when you get married.

The end of any dating relationship should be marriage.

Often time we just date to date. But why are we wasting our time with dating if its not centered on God? Why do I feel like I am not complete if I am not dating someone? Why do I think I can only be who I am if I have someone? I’m sure that I am not the only one that has these thoughts or feelings. The only answers that I can come up with are that we are too lazy to have a fully committed relationship with Christ. Too often when choosing who to date we make these choices with out the wisdom or insight of our parents or the church. We think we are “old” enough, smart enough understand God enough, and we don’t want our parents to “intrude” into our lives, or just think we have it all figured out. But by relying on ourselves, we are just building a wall around our relationship. We are building our relationship on sand. We don’t take the time to seek out wisdom!! I want to go over why we should go to these people and why it is unwise and against what Christ has said to not go and seek wisdom.

The Base of Your Relationship

It’s about BEING the right person, not FINDING the right person. By looking for the “right” person, we think we are the right person. God calls us to first look at ourselves. Dig deep into who you are. Are you who Christ has called you? If you are seeking Christ when it comes to who He wants you to be He will bring that wonderful person into your life. It’s when we start to look outward that we begin to become prideful, and pride always lead to a fall.

What we MUST do is yoke ourselves to an older believer. For Christ call us to disciple one another. Paul lays out the foundation for how we should act as a church body in Titus.

Titus 2:1-8 You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. 2Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. 3Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. 6Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching, show integrity, seriousness 8and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

By yoking yourself to someone, you should be deepening your relationship with Christ, and with those around you. You MUST be open and honest with this person, or you are just wasting your time and your words. You should be challenged to grow and learn.

How You Confirm Your Godly Relationship

Parents

Your parents must be involved. Don’t try to make such a big move without them. Go to them and have them share wisdom with you, let it guide you. God has given your parents the authority over you.

Ephesians 6:1-3 1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

Even if you have parents that do not have a personal relationship with Christ, you must honor them. Christ said to obey your parents. He did not say to only obey them if they are followers of Christ. God imparts wisdom to all parents. Let's say that you have come to an impasse with your parents then you must seek wise council in the body of Christ.

The Church

The church to some extent should be involved in your relationship. Too often, we think we know what is best for us. Why do you think that God has called us to gather as one body? To help one another, to support one another, and so that we have people that hold each of us to the highest of standards. God has planted these people in a place of “power” for a reason.

Hebrews 13:7 Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.

Hebrews 13:17 Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.

Corinthians 6:1-6 If any of you has a dispute with another, dare he take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the saints? 2Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? 3Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life! 4Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, appoint as judges even men of little account in the church!^[] 5I say this to shame you. Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers? 6But instead, one brother goes to law against another—and this in front of unbelievers!

If you go and seek wise council, you must go with a pure heart. You must go asking God to change your heart, not your parents. Go seeking with an open mind. The reason you should be going is to seek wisdom, not to strengthen your point. You still must submit to and honor your parents! Seek, my friends, wisdom! Cry out to the Father above us and ask him to pour out His blessings on you. WE must humble ourselves before Him for His glory is too much for us to handle. His grace covers all. Let your heart to be broken. Only when you have been broken will your heart be at a place where you can be used, a place where you can hear the small faint whispers of God.

I say these things knowing I am all sin. I don’t have it all down. I want what Christ has for us all. Let me leave you with this passage from James

James 4:6b-10

“God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”

Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw

near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

Four years have gone by....

2009-06-15T14:24:00.005-07:00

Lt. Noah Harris

a Hero among men

The day began as any day does in Iraq, it was hot and dry. half the platoon had to go to FOB Warhorse, it seemed like any Friday. But little did we know this day would stand alone much like the 14th of Feb, just a little more personal. Now the Plt. was split up into a "A" section and a "B" section, and sense B had just gone to Warhorse they also went on the night patrol. Things that night were a little different, Lt Harris never really went out with B section, and we had not prayed before we left. But away we went off into the night with nothing on our minds but having to go out on "Friday Night Fight Night". and with Lt. Harris' cry, "Bring em out, bring em out", we left the FOB and went to find the terrorists that were working in Buhriz.....a little more than two and a half hours later. Lt. Noah Harris and Clp. William Long had been killed.

Its been four years sense that day, and i struggle with it still. nothing is harder to live with than knowing that some of the greatest Americans are no longer here with us. But i live everyday for them. not a single day goes by that i don't think back to that fateful night. the pain comes back, but the fear of the unknown is always here with me. at the same time i have to press on, if not for myself than for them. God has given me the strength to get through every nightmare i have, all the sleepless nights i lay awake thinking of them, and the pain that i carry with me from one day to the next. June 17th 2005 will always be a day that i hate, a day i wish never happened, a day i hope does not come, and a day i lived through. and so every year at this time i will honor my fallen brothers.

if you have questions let me know. i would rather you ask, and be left to wonder.

WHY IS THE FAT CATCHER TRYING TO STEAL SECOND BASE

2009-06-08T10:40:00.002-07:00

So this weekend my family had a "family meeting''. we try to have these every so often to just see where everyone is, sometimes there are things we need to talk about but sometime we just talk about life. But during this meeting my brother...the really smart one for those of you who know my family...told us the following tale....

With his team down by one run in the ninth inning, a fat catcher get a bloop single. knowing that he has to get to second for even a chance to score on a hit to the outfield, he thinks the best thing would be to steal second base. although he team knows he could never steal second base. but the catcher does not listen to the wisdom of his team and tries anyway, getting thrown out trying to steal second base. his teammates are disappointed that he made the choice to try and steal, but they support him knowing that he was trying to help the team.

now this tale was meant for a sibling of ours. but i have been thinking about it for two days and have come to see that often time we are all the catcher. we make choices that are base on what we FEEL, going against the wisdom of those around us. the body of Christ is to support each other even when we make choices that are not made with wisdom. but some time we turn our back on those that make these choices. because it is easier to see when someone ELSE make mistakes, than to see when we fall down. we need to understand that we all are lost, broken, and sinners. yeah we can say that we understand that but do we really act like we have been saved from ourselves? do we act with compassion toward those who are not walking in wisdom? oh but if you are walking without wisdom, but dont listen to those who love you, you are at your own peril. you must be willing to have people in your life that are going to tell you the truth always, people that are not going to pull punches. be willing to have people tell you that you are totally messing up and you need to get your act in line! there is nothing better than having people in your life that always tell you the truth. i just want to thank sally for always letting me know what is up!

just some of my thoughts the last couple of days. let me know what you think.

Marriage

2009-05-15T03:42:00.003-07:00

so today i read a blog post by my totally BA mom who is in africa, but still finds time to write great blog posts. it was about how many people of my gen are scared to get married at a young age. and it got me thinking. what does it take to get in the mind set that getting married at a young age is fun, good, or awesome. as most of you know i was engaged, but it did not work out. i get asked all the time if i am alright. i have to say yes, because i know that what happened happened for a reason. was it fun to go through something like that, hell no. it hurt a lot. but you know what i found out, i am stronger because of it. i am even more in love with God, and i know that i can do all things through Him.

so back to the whole getting married young thing. i have always wanted to get married at a young age. after seeing my parents grow into who they are and seeing how my totally kickface family has come about. it makes me want that. i look at it like this, why live through life with out that person who is going to be there for you? young people today want to "have fun" when they are young. but really why not have another person to share that fun with? someone that you can go to when you are hurting? someone that you can laugh with at 2am cause you are young and have to go to work in three hours, but you just spent the night talking about all the thing you are going to do as a couple? who does not want that? and if you dont i would have to wonder why not! when God made Adam He knew that the only way to complete Adam was to make sure that he had a partner in this world.

i truly think we are all made to have that person that we are to become one with. do i think that there is only "the one". no cause then not only would i screw it up, but who knows what she would do in life that would make it so that we never met. im just saying that there are 6 BILLION people out there so there has to be more than one person that would make a great partner.

i had one of the best time with God the other day. wow totally great time! so i was reading "Crazy Love" and it was talking about living by faith and it refered to Heb. chp 11. so i go and read it. and my mind is blown away. 20 times it say "....By faith..." it goes through and recounts the many people that just lived by faith. i read it twice. and what i came way with was how many times do we try to figure out life on our own. but seem to mess it up, or we thing we have it all figured out but then things just go totally crazy! why cause we are not living by faith. that is why i think my gen does not want to get married when they are young...cause when you are young you dont have it all figured out, you have to live by faith! but i have parents that have had to live by faith and i have seen the faithfulness that God is true to those who are true to Him. i really believe that is one of the reasons that my brothers and sisters are ready to get married. we understand that when you live by faith God will guide your steps to His path. so yeah just some of my thoughts at 4:10 am!! let me know what you all think!

WANTING TO BE THE NEW PATRIOT FOR THIS COUNTRY

2009-05-05T14:07:00.000-07:00

so i was listening to Glenn Beck today and he got me thinking about how to help people without giving them a "handout". instead of the government spending more money on programs to help people be alright with being poor. we should make it UNCOMFORTABLE. im not saying that we should not help people out. but i am saying that we need to make is so uncomfortable that they want to help themselves out of it. we have made it too easy to be poor and have a whole generation of people thinking that someone is going to do all the leg work for them. we need to stop giving handouts to those who are not actively trying to get out of the mire. right now i am broke and have no job. but i will never ask for a handout, i would rather shovel crap 12 hours a day making 5 bucks an hour, than want someone to give me money for doing nothing.

if we make it easy to work and hard to get a hand out this country would become great once more! during the potato famines people came to this country not because they were going to get a hand out, but because they knew they could find work and if they worked hard one day they could have what they wanted.

i think back to when i was drinking everynight. i would end up on the floor throwing up and feeling like crap. but you know what, i came to a place where i was soo sick of being sick. i knew i had to change things. i was uncomfortable with where i was. but I had to do something to get myself out of that life. that is what i think needs to be done, make people sooo sick of being poor, that they want more but instead of giving them a handout we give them a job.

tell me what you think.

IM BACK!!

2009-03-15T18:34:00.001-07:00

hey all i am back to blog my heart out! i hope see all you soon and i hope to talk about some great things over the next few months or so.

the truth of love...and what it means to me

2008-02-06T02:33:00.000-08:00

Love |lᵊv|

noun

1 an intense feeling of deep affection

* a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone

* (love) a personified figure of love, often represented as Cupid.

* a great interest and pleasure in something

* affectionate greetings conveyed to someone on one's behalf.

* a formula of ending an affectionate letter

that is what webster says "love" is. but what is true love. in the romantic sense and non-romantic sense? we all have our own definition of what love is. but how many of us took the time to learn what it really means to love someone? how many of us have just said "i love you" with out any real "feeling" behind it? is love even a feeling? we use the word love about as often as we take a breath. i love cake. i love this, i love that. but what really does it mean to love. i have been wondering this for some time. i have talked about it many times with friends and non-friends. wondering, thinking, searching, wanting, and asking what is love. the following is what i have come up with in the last 23 1/2 years of life.

i look back to the first time i was in "love". i know my sister cassie knows this story so well i am sure she could tell it to you. as many of you know i was taken advantage of when i was younger. well that lead to many years of mistrust of woman, and even my own parents (they were not the ones that took advantage of me). where to start this story, oh where to start...i think i will start this story in the 5th grade. back then i hung out with a group from church all the time. one of the girls in the group would always talked about a girl from school that she was trying to get to come to church. the summer in between 5th and 6th grades she finally came to church. i can remember everything about that night. it was a hot saturday, cassie and i for whatever reason were not sitting with the parents, which was weird cause we always did. well anyway, we were out in the hall when i saw "her". wow is the word that came to mind. she wore a yellow tank-top with a white shirt over it, black pants, and "midget" shoes ie shoes that had like two inches of heel. so cassie and i talk to "her" for the whole serves. that night at home i told cassie that she was a total wow for me. it was what i thought was love at first sight was. soon there after we were hanging out all the time. most saturday nights after church we (the group) went over her house or some ones hang out. we became fast friends. i "loved" "her" because she was alright with me being me. we talked all the time. we even wrote letter to each other when i was grounded for the phone. funny cause we saw each other at least once a week anyway. all i know is i felt safe with being open with "her'. i told her that i liked "her" with in the first year of knowing her. a couple year goes by and we all enter Jr. high. wow what a time that was. i spent many nights hanging out at her house or she came to mine. truly a great friend. the funny thing was growing up my parents had the most rules when it came to almost everything, but i never had a set curfew. i mostly went home when someone could give me a ride or my parents came and got me. i can think of many nights when we would just hang out and talk for hours on end. well as life would have it she started dating one of my good friends soon after all of us started going to jr. high. that was the only time that i can remember we fought. me being jealous of something i could not have. ( i was not aloud to date at the time) but i got over it soon. and we were back to being great friends. i cant remember when, but at some point in time i told "her" that i would wait for "her" until the day she got married. in the 8th grade i moved about two and half hours away. it was really hard for me to leave my best friend. i did not have that many friends to begin with and the thought of leaving the one person who got me, who did not care who i was, what i did, and who i could always talk to, really scared me. we stayed in touch as best we could. over this time i liked other girls, but was always drawn back to "her". through out the high school years she dated. shoot, i even dated. at some point i had heard a saying once and took it as my own...."love is wanting the best for someone even if you have to put your own wants and needs aside". wow, that is a hard thing to do, but i wanted to really live by those words. my family would go down to see old friends and i would always make it a point to see "her". i can remember this one time my dad and i went down to paint a friends house, but i got a few hours to hang with "her". so when it came time for we to meet up with my dad, so we could drive back up home. i told "her" again that i would wait until the second she said, "I do". she laughed it off as me just joking around. but really i look back on that as THE time i should have not let "her" get away with laughing it off, but really try to make "her" understand that i was not joking around. from there our lives went into over-drive. i got kick out of the house soon there after and really wondered around. i really lost my way in life. but i still called, the only person i knew could always trust, when i had the chance. while i was living on my own i call "her" one day and she told me about something she had done. she had had sex! i was totally at a lose for words. i did not know what to do. i was hurt more than anything, because i thought she knew that that was something i wanted to share that with "her" when we got married. i really thought that one day that we would get married and have kids. well being dumb and really really stupid i went and had sex just to be like, "hey if you can do it i can too!" i look back at this moment in my life and i am like," wow that was totally stupid." but that is how i felt and at this point in my life i was high alot and not following Christ as i know i should have been. not to say that this is a good excuse, but that is where i was in life. life kept going on as it always does and at one point i even dated a friend of "hers". in my senior year of hight school she got engaged and that summer she got married. i really did know how to feel. i mean on the one hand i was happy for her. but on the other i really felt like i had lost out on someone great. i was also hurt and felt a lot of heart brokennes. at this time i had moved back in with my parents, but soon i was up to my old habits and was once again kick out. by the fall of 2003 i had joined the army and by feb i was gone to Ft. Benning for the "Ft. Benning camp for boys"...ie basic training.

ok ok so you must be like what heck does half of this have to do with love. let me tell you what i had to learned. i have learned to put my needs and wants behind me, learn that true love takes work, time, self sacrifice and it takes being broken of what i want. i had to learn to be alright with who she had become. through all the thing that have happened in both our live we are still great friends to this day. we both have made dumb moves. though through it all we have remained great friends, that just want the best for each other. even when it has been hard to put our own selfish wants aside we do because we know that in the end we are there for each other. what i am trying to say, is love is somthing that had taken me over 10 years to learn about and i am learning more with each relationship, friendship, and even in being hurt. love has shown me that no matter what, i have a friend that take me for who i and know that i will do the same. are there time when i want to go back so i can change things yes!! we cant though, so i keep moving on. trying to grown with each step.

i told just other day a friend that love is "better open and honest than guarded and unrisked." that is really how i try to live. i love with reckless abandonment. not to say i dont guard my heart, but i do love long and hard. i think of how Jesus died for us...why? because he wanted the best for us!! He wanted us to know true love. He died knowing the pain it would bring Him, and still He died willingly. i know first hand what that means, because i would die for the love i have for this country and all of you back home. i hope that those of you who know me know that i do love each of you and i just want what is best in your life. this summer i had to relearn what it means to put my feelings aside. i liked a really good friend of mine, but when i told her she told me that she had started dating someone else that everyday. timing seems to be a problem for me in my life. i be came jealous and mad. at some point i was like why am i mad. this really is dumb of me to be pissed off. she is happy and by my own words i should have listen to what i know is love, the selflessness in it. i was just being selfish and did not want to look past my own wants. i saw how dumb i was being and really had to be like, "ok stupid. you need to start living what you say more!" i ask her for forgiveness and was free to love again.

i want to live life with the love Christ had for us. i mean really live it. i want people to say when i die that i love soo much that is totally overwhelmed them. i want to be known as someone who would give up his own life for a friend or just someone to sit and listen to what is on your heart. so if you see that i am not living like this, you all have the right to tell me that i am not. just be like, "hey buddy you might want to read your own blog about love." so to all of you who read this i want you to know that i am here for you in your time of need. i am here to show you love and want it really means to me. its time we let go of what WE want and start looking at what the people in our lives NEED. John 13:34-35 "i give you a new commandment: that you love one another. just as i have love you, you should also love one another. by this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." this is the love i want. this is the love i want you all to see in me. i hope you all can see my heart in this. see the passion i have for love. and with that love comes the desire to give of myself. i want to know this love like i know it. i want people see this love in me. oh how i wish for this. i pray that Christ lives in me this way. i want to shine with His love. i long for the day when you all know this to be true in me.

i hope you can understand this. i know it i alot and some of my thoughts are totally out there. i know i tend to ramble on all about me, but hey this is my blog. if i want to put a picture of me in a speedo i will...but thankfully for you dont have a picture like that. jk! i miss you all and i hope you enjoy what i have writen.

A CHANGE OF HEART?

2008-02-06T01:37:00.000-08:00

so as where do i start.....this past week has been in a word wow. as most of you know my high school years were spent in this very strait arrow town. i always swore that i would never ever move back there. well as many of you know God has this little thing were He is like riiiiight....soo you dont want to do "said thing" well guess what. so this past week i He changed my heart totally and completely i want to move back up to this lil town that drives me crazy. i know crazy, cause i hated thing place sooo much growing up. i did everything to be different. to just drive the people of this town nuts. make them feel uncomfortable around me. to make them go what is wrong with that kid. well i am who i am and it seems as if God wants me back up there. which is really weird to me. i never though i would feel this way. cause really i hate how the people look at others that dont fit the mold of what a "good christian" should look like. i have tattoos, i rock the heck out of the mo-hawk, i listen to rock n' roll, i am ok with who people are, i am totally and completely out of my mind, i love with reckless abandonment, and i am generally crazy. But i love christ and want Him to lead my life. yes at times i struggle but i am open with that and know that that is part of life.

so that is what is going on with me! hey i hope you all are doing great. i hope to see and spend time with you all when i get home this summer. later and love!

words i use to help a friend....things i have learned and now am using in real life!!

2008-01-29T16:24:00.000-08:00

so hello friends!! i hope all of you are doing well....wow i am talking to no one and yet everyone. you all can now say i am loosing it. ok ok ok so on to what i have to say. i have so really great friends. i mean other than my HUGE family i have been blessed this some truly wonderful people in my life. over the last 10 years i have had the same best friend. but of close to the last four or five i have added another. we were talking the other day, about the struggles that we have both been going through. depression, unloveable, bitterness, and just down right lostness. well as many of you know i wasted a whole year of my life in 2006. but 2007 and now the start of 2008 i have really learned to grow. i have learned to help. i have learned to be open. so in this i have tried to give words of wisdom to this wonderful friend. so i want to tell you all some of the subjects i have learned about....

FORGIVENESS....wow is that a hard thing to come to grips with. i mean really when you are hurt the thing you want to do most is hate. and hold that anger in. ok so what many of you dont know about is that when i was really young i was taken advantage of. so for the next 12 years i become more and more angry. for 12 years i held onto this hate, this anger that at anytime could over flow for all to see. but now after five years of being open with what happened i am free!! i found that the only thing that not forgiving brings is bitterness. i went to counseling but that did not help me let go of my bitterness. you want to know why...well it is sooo much easier to hold and keep it as my own like box of hate. but i can tell you that after you let go...wow i cant even tell you what that is like. is it hard to let go..yes, is it something you WANT to do...no, but the freedom you gain for it is total and complete. for 12 years my family knew me as a very angry lil kid. but now i am the happy-go-lucky kid. i just learned to live it all out. that is one of the greatest things i hope to teach people this summer when i am home. one thing that has helped me is learning to breath. just take a deep breath....think of the cross. and what He did there for you. i know i know people say to call out to the promise you have in that but really how many of us truly take the time to stop and do that. i know i dont do that as much as i should. but really just take like two or three minutes and just breath. it totally helps you see what is wrong and you feel a lil better about what is going on.

TRUST...wow now i dont know which is harder to learn to do. but i know that trust is something i know all about. try having to carry a burden when you are like 6, a burden that most adults dont even know how to handle. having your childhood ripped from you is a hard thing when you have all this "stuff" inside that you dont even know what to do with. over the last three weeks or so i have grown soo much. its all about taking risks. taking that step with your eyes closed, opening up you soul, standing on the edge of the cliff and jumping. knowing that it is NOW and knowing God will help you to fly. it take small steps to learn to trust. we all have had our trust broken at one time or another. and it takes time to heal that wound. but it would never heal if you keep your self guarded and closed off. to learn what true trust is take the risk and willingness to fail/hurt. one of the sayings i came up with is this...LOVE IS BETTER OPEN AND HONEST THEN GUARDED AND UNRISKED. i mean how many times have you held back because you were afraid to get hurt. i know i have. but the greatest love and trust i have in my life is in the relationship i to the most risks and was open the most. in that relationship i have been hurt yes but the joy far over takes the hurt.

so that is what i have learned. i hope it encourages you all. i really look forward to teaching at least one person how to live all out. i mean after seeing death soooooooo close to my heart i have learned to live out. so all that i know in washington be ready for a truly wonderful summer, cause the crazy greekkid is coming home!!!

tattoos....

2008-01-18T12:24:00.000-08:00

well i was reading a good friends blog about tattoos and thought to myself...hmmm i love them, but are they right or wrong? i thought that though my parents are not really that fond of them, they have every right to what they think. i just think that each tells a story of who i am, where i am gone, and what i have done. i mean can tattoos be bad, yes. but i think that it about the heart of the person getting one. i know, i know, God says each body is a temple. but really have you read about the temple they built back in then? i mean that temple would totally blow anything built today away. it took seven years to build, it was carefully planed, each piece was placed with care, it was lavish, it was totally over the top (not in a bad way), but you know what, it was built for the right reasons. i dont just get tattoos to be cool. i mean they are cool, but they are meaningful to me. they tell a story. so here are my tattoo stories....

so this tattoo is one i just got last month. as you can see it is of a greek warrior. i had been wanting to get a greek tattoo for awhile now. and after seeing 300, i really wanted something like that. i am in the US Army, and have always felt that i was born to fight, born to be a warrior. as you can see in the picture he is battle wear, and that is just

like me. not so much on the outside, but more emotional battle scars.the next one i got on july 1st 2006. most of you know that 06 was a really really hard year for me. so i went looking for something that was different. something that people would see and would be like wow that is cool. and well i have this thing with people saying that i am soo young, oh im just a kid. so i got this tribel faded. saying that i am may be young when it comes to how many years old i am, but i am well versed in life and am weathered. i like it a lot cause it is really shows who i am. in that it is not like others and i am ok with being who i am.

the next one is one i got in sept of 05. i was on leave and it had been a little over three months sense my team leader and Lt. had been killed in iraq. they were killed on 17 june 05. sfc salie died on 14 feb 05. i have sense added two names ssg brown and pfc simmons. they were killed easter of 07. its just my way of paying tribute to the couple of men i know that gave their lives for this country.

the next which i cant seem to get in the right spot is an M-16, helmet, and a pair of boots. this is what we do when we say our last good-byes. i got this for all of my infantry that have died for this country in our many times going to war. i got is right out of basic training in 2004. i also have the word "Better" down my right for arm and "Days" down my left. i also got this one right our of basic training. i got it cause i knew that the day ahead would be hard and i wanted something that would keep me smiling. just a way to say hey its alright cause there will be better days ahead.

well i hope you all understand where i am coming for with all of this. i would love to hear what you all have to say.

wow my parents are nuts...

2008-01-17T02:01:00.001-08:00

ok so as most of you know my parents are going to be going to Africa. but they have no idea what that means. i mean i am sure they have heard from friends, but still just the same. they need someone like the guy in the picture. a grizzled old war vet, knows what it take to live and survive in a crazy wold that is not anything close the sweet town that is Lynden. i mean really i know they have been praying and have a ton of people praying about. i think they should wait for someone to get home.....now i dont know who that someone is but i have an idea. i mean i love you dad and mom but you too have no experience with "real" third world countries. and everyone can use a bodyguard. or at least someone who knows a little about protection. not to say that God cant do a good job cause i know all about His protection. it just seems like He has given you a son for just a reason. but hey i know God is our protector. does not mean i cant worry...hey they worry about me i think that it is only fair that i get to.

God does wonders....

2008-01-17T01:45:00.000-08:00

so i am free and clear. i got in a little trouble but nothing like i though. i got "smoked" which is pretty much like doing a million push up, sit ups, running with a sand bag, you know things that us suck, but its alright. the whole other issue is not going to be followed up. i guess that guy had a change of heart and did not want to follow up with he had said. i think what happened was everyone saw that is was just something that was made up so try and take me down. but after a week or so of prayer and really crying out to God. He did what He has always done and helps those who cry out to Him. so yeah for all of you that were wondering...ie mom! love ya all. thanks for all the prayer you all do on my behalf.

snow?

2008-01-13T00:14:00.000-08:00

yes that is what it did the other day...here in baghdad, iraq! i was saying the other day that is would be great to see some snow. but i had little thoughts that it really would. but i woke up to the freezing cold, the heater had gone out and i was a lil mad. but a buddy came running in my room to tell me that is was snowing!! so to say the least it was the best day i have ever had in iraq by far. soo great! it snowed for most of the morning. nothing was sticking but still it was totally great to see snow and get to stand in it. well i hope you all are doing well. i will be righting more really soon.

2008-01-03T23:52:00.000-08:00

so where ever do i start. my lil sis cassie has had one forever so i though to myself, "hmmm you should start one." so here it is my first blog. woooo woooo for me. so here i am in baghdad, iraq. this is my second tour to iraq, and by the time i get out of here i will have spent 27 months out of the last four years here!! i have done, seen, heard, and learned a lot while being here. i have lost five friends over here. which has taken its toll on me over the last two, almost three years. but i know i will get through it with the help and grace of God. over the last ten months i have learned soo much about myself and who i am. what most of you don't know is that the year of 2006 was well a crap shoot for me. i mean i cant even tell you what happened the month of jan because i drank soo much. and that was really what my life was all year. that and the woman. i just feel soo ashamed for the way i acted. and when i think about it i always come back to what my dad us to tell me all the time when i was a kid...."is what you are doing honoring our last name?" and i can say that i did about the poorest job a son could do over the whole year. the thing is i know right from wrong. i know how i should be living yet i failed. i would not do anything different, because i am who i am now. and i cant take it back. i have to just use all that i have learned and use it for the better.

so most know me as the happy-go-lucky guy. but what you don't know is that i have had to deal with a lot of depression over the last year or two. living in Ga has been one of the hardest things i have ever done. i love my family and it is really hard being away from them. ok well that is my first blog...i know i know it is random but hey its me. check back for more in the crazy wild life of me!